A Child's Idea of Adoption

Returning at Long Last!

Hello Fellow Adoption Enthusiasts! After taking a long, decisive break of just over two years for some personal life changes, I am back to the adoption jive. And boy am I happy about it! I am returning with more excitement and energy than ever, ready for many more journeys ahead. I am particularly pleased to announce that I have joined Merco Local:

Merco Local is a directory and listing site for local Utah businesses. I encourage you to visit my Adoption Consultation profile at Merco Local to read additional information about my services and to view promotions for both my business, and hundreds of other local businesses throughout Utah. I believe in supporting local business and local community, so joining this unique venture is exciting for me. I hope to spread the word to Utah adoptive hopefuls and have some adoption successes before the end of the year. In this industry, word-of-mouth referrals are oftentimes the source of success, so I appreciate everyone spreading the word.

At present, we are seeking a biracial heterosexual couple to adopt a healthy biracial baby due in mid December. Though I work in Utah and actively seek adoptive couples in Utah, I help adoptive couples throughout the United States. If you know of anyone looking to adopt who fits this description, please don't hesitate to pass along my contact information.

As always, I am grateful for the read. Take care!

Why Do I Need An Adoption Consultant?

After my best friend pointed out that even she wasn't sure what an adoption consultant was for and that maybe I should explain, I wondered, Why don't I have these good ideas?

As an adoption consultant, I can offer you a lot of information and show you what options you have when it comes to adoption. When my husband and I decided to adopt, I was completely overwhelmed. What is the first step? Who do you contact? I pulled up an online directory of adoption agencies in Utah and scrolled through 10 pages filled with names. What distinguishes one from another, I mused. Why in the world are there so many? The answer is money. Adoption is expensive and everyone wants a piece of the pie. When I started with the first page of the online directory and began making phone calls, I went from overwhelmed to discouraged in the first five minutes. I quickly learned that over half of the agencies listed weren't legitimate. The numbers were no longer in service, were answered by random plumbing companies who dealt with mislead adoptive hopefuls daily, or were answered by old men who were hard of hearing and hung up on me.

The more I asked around when inquiring about adoption, the more horror stories I heard. I spoke with one poor woman who had been trying to adopt for seven years. They had been through 12 failed placements and had paid one "agency" $20k, only to realize they had been scammed when their representative disappeared. I could see how easy it would be to wind up in that situation ... I hadn't spent that long on the infertility ride, but month after month of fertility drugs followed by disheartening negative pregnancy tests could drive a person crazy with longing and grief. I just wanted to be a mother; I just wanted a baby! I hadn't been through five years or more of the infertile rollercoaster like some women, but I was already to the point of feeling desperate. If someone, seemingly a professional, had come along and promised to get me a baby pronto, no strings attached, in exchange for a quickly written check or a simple wire transfer, I probably would've taken the bait. I wasn't stupid, I was baby hungry and filled with desperation. I had heard of couples waiting year after year to be chosen by a birthmother and we all know, the worst game in life is the waiting game. No one likes waiting.

I wasn't sure what first step to take. I was fearful of writing an agency or a facilitator a check for a large amount of money and coming away with nothing years later. It took me nearly a month just to contact all the agencies that popped up in the Utah area through countless hours of research and to collect all their adoption packets. Their agency fees all varied vastly and included different services or expenses. They all had different methods and processes for handling the birthmothers and their pregnancies, but they all had mountains of paperwork for me to complete and they all seemed quite eager to work with me. I finally chose an agency, at long last, mostly based upon the agency fee and the fact that I liked the social worker who was representing that agency. I tore into the paperwork with gusto and made it my entire life goal to check everything off their to-do list. My husband, stepson and I needed to have complete physical exams, background checks, provide all sorts of financial documents, write essays, compose a profile ... I spent every waking hour for two weeks straight gathering information and chasing loose ends, not to mention losing countless hours of sleep while mentally retracing it all in my head all night long. After feeling like a puppet and fetching every last thing the social worker insisted we needed, I was informed that according to Utah state law, my husband and I had not been married long enough to adopt in the state of Utah.

Yes, I was extremely discouraged and extremely frustrated. Along my adoption journey, it seemed there was no one I could turn to who wasn't a direct employee for any one agency. I never got an unbiased answer and I never had a source of support. It was one of the most overwhelming and tedious processes I've ever been through, and I was figuring it out alone most of the way. There was no one to lead me or guide me through personal experience; I usually just hoped I'd stumble on the right path and prayed I wouldn't have serious regrets later. Luckily for me, everything worked out beautifully and I didn't have to wait long for my son. His adoption was flawless and was one of the best experiences I've ever had. It was the segment of the journey leading up to finding him that was so tumultuous and stressful. And that is what an Adoption Consultant is all about: helping you make the tough, scary decisions that lead you to your baby by informing you and offering you support along the way. I can't think of anything more rewarding that I'd rather do!

Eli's Biological Rendezvous

My jump into adoption consultation was inspired by my recent visit to Oakland, Calif. when I took my son to reunite with his birthparents for the first time since he was born. I signed a contact agreement with his birthparents before he was born allowing them a few visits during his youth and this past October, they were ready to meet him. I wasn't nervous about the visit, I was actually dreading it and feeling obligated, more than anything, to follow through on my promise. I think the love and endearment that struck all of us took everyone by surprise, and watching Eli with his birthparents, I had never been more certain that I was giving him the greatest gift adoption had to offer.

Eli's birthparents, Angela and Roy, came to our hotel to meet us. I had a few minutes to sit down with them and talk before Eli woke up from his nap. Angela's eyes welled with tears as she thanked me for bringing him and apologized for not being financially stable enough to see him earlier. I watched as she opened her purse and pulled out a slightly wrinkled sheet of white paper with two tiny stamped footprints on it and my mind flashed back to Eli's little hospital cart when he was born. I remembered the nurses making the footprints and taping them to the side of his bed. I remembered sending them with Angela when she left the hospital after watching her cry only two big tears as she kissed him goodbye, not knowing when she would see him again. I wanted her to have something from him, of him, because I would have him everyday. "I want you to have this," she said, passing it to me. "It belongs with you. When he asks about how he was born, you should have it." I touched the little footprints, memories flooding in, and shook my head. "When he starts asking, I want him to ask you," I said. "I want him to come to you and I want you to be able to show him what you have from that day."

We took Eli to a nearby park so that Angela and Roy could spend some quality time with him. Eli seemed at ease with them, happy to have their undivided attention and some devoted playmates for the next hour. I tried to stay on the outskirts of the park so as not to hover and to give them some time without my interference. I watched as Roy carried Eli on his shoulders, as Angela pushed him on the tire swing, and saw, from the outside, the striking love and resemblance woven between the three of them. My heart broke. It was like watching what could've been if Angela and Roy had known better circumstances. I couldn't imagine seeing your son, bonding with him and becoming attached, only to say goodbye at the end of the day and send him home with someone else. If I was Angela, I don't think I could've faced a day like that. It would've been easier to keep my distance and not know the pain of having to say goodbye yet again. These two strong, brave people were facing the worst kind of hurt, a deep-rooted suffering, but were choosing to take away the love and joy of the moment.

I thought back to my own childhood, having been adopted myself. I wondered everyday what my birthparents were like and how I might be similar to them. I was just a young girl when I started thinking about whether or not I looked like my birthparents. I wondered if we had things in common, liked the same things. Which is not to say that I ever resented being adopted or felt angry towards my parents. The whole beginning to my story simply remained a mystery ... the details of my birth, the people involved, the sequence of events, the emotions that everyone felt. So much of my past, of my history, was locked away in some stranger's mind, in some stranger's memory; a stranger who could be anyone I passed on the street, or someone living in another country that I may never meet. I thought of my sweet little Eli and how he would ask one day and have all the same questions, except I would be able to give him the answers. When he started wondering, Angela and Roy would be there to tell him the story, to tell him they loved him so much, they wanted something better than they were ever capable of giving him. Eli would grow up seeing me hug his birthparents. He would see the love and respect between us, the bond he had forever created between two sets of strangers, the gift we had given each other that would last our lifetime. I was so happy, at that moment, that Angela and Roy had given my son his history so he wouldn't grow up thinking he was a mystery. The power of what I felt was so overwhelming, I couldn't help but tear up and feel utterly grateful to Angela and Roy for choosing me to be their son's mother.