As an adoption consultant, I can offer you a lot of information and show you what options you have when it comes to adoption. When my husband and I decided to adopt, I was completely overwhelmed. What is the first step? Who do you contact? I pulled up an online directory of adoption agencies in Utah and scrolled through 10 pages filled with names. What distinguishes one from another, I mused. Why in the world are there so many? The answer is money. Adoption is expensive and everyone wants a piece of the pie. When I started with the first page of the online directory and began making phone calls, I went from overwhelmed to discouraged in the first five minutes. I quickly learned that over half of the agencies listed weren't legitimate. The numbers were no longer in service, were answered by random plumbing companies who dealt with mislead adoptive hopefuls daily, or were answered by old men who were hard of hearing and hung up on me.
The more I asked around when inquiring about adoption, the more horror stories I heard. I spoke with one poor woman who had been trying to adopt for seven years. They had been through 12 failed placements and had paid one "agency" $20k, only to realize they had been scammed when their representative disappeared. I could see how easy it would be to wind up in that situation ... I hadn't spent that long on the infertility ride, but month after month of fertility drugs followed by disheartening negative pregnancy tests could drive a person crazy with longing and grief. I just wanted to be a mother; I just wanted a baby! I hadn't been through five years or more of the infertile rollercoaster like some women, but I was already to the point of feeling desperate. If someone, seemingly a professional, had come along and promised to get me a baby pronto, no strings attached, in exchange for a quickly written check or a simple wire transfer, I probably would've taken the bait. I wasn't stupid, I was baby hungry and filled with desperation. I had heard of couples waiting year after year to be chosen by a birthmother and we all know, the worst game in life is the waiting game. No one likes waiting.
I wasn't sure what first step to take. I was fearful of writing an agency or a facilitator a check for a large amount of money and coming away with nothing years later. It took me nearly a month just to contact all the agencies that popped up in the Utah area through countless hours of research and to collect all their adoption packets. Their agency fees all varied vastly and included different services or expenses. They all had different methods and processes for handling the birthmothers and their pregnancies, but they all had mountains of paperwork for me to complete and they all seemed quite eager to work with me. I finally chose an agency, at long last, mostly based upon the agency fee and the fact that I liked the social worker who was representing that agency. I tore into the paperwork with gusto and made it my entire life goal to check everything off their to-do list. My husband, stepson and I needed to have complete physical exams, background checks, provide all sorts of financial documents, write essays, compose a profile ... I spent every waking hour for two weeks straight gathering information and chasing loose ends, not to mention losing countless hours of sleep while mentally retracing it all in my head all night long. After feeling like a puppet and fetching every last thing the social worker insisted we needed, I was informed that according to Utah state law, my husband and I had not been married long enough to adopt in the state of Utah.
No comments:
Post a Comment